I’m going to start about how fucked up this year was. I started the year ready to ace IB. I was prepared to graduate, attend my first prom, and travel with my friends. I had plans, and I was super excited to have fun. But, that all ended when the coronavirus started spreading. Now, I’m sitting in my house, with nothing to do because my finals got canceled. I feel a little lost. With all that time, I have hours and hours to get lost in my thoughts.

At the beginning of 12th grade, I lost all motivation to pursue music and singing. I didn’t sing much at all during the past year, but something clicked. Now, I want to excel again, but I feel like I’ve lost so much time.

With so much time in lockdown, I stumbled across this very strange genre of youtube videos – tarot card reading. Let me tell you one thing, I am NOT spiritual at all, but this card reading thing REALLY spooked me. I watched five videos about what your future self wants to tell you, and every SINGLE video said the SAME THING. *mindblown* One thing that they said was that I need to be persistent and develop skills to reach my dream – which is to get on Broadway! I need to develop my singing, dancing, and acting to get there one day. The videos said that I will face tons of obstacles, but I need to be persistent in reaching my dreams. They also said some other pretty accurate things about me, which also blew my mind.

Another thing the videos said was that I was going in a direction that is not where I deep down want to go towards. They said that I was attached, and it was hard to let go, but to be successful, I need to let go. At first, I thought it was complete bullshit, but then I spoke to Rhonda, my absolute best friend and love of my life, and something clicked. I am going to college in the fall, pursuing a major in Industrial Design. I honestly love the idea of Industrial Design, and I think it’s an exciting field, but I never realized until today that I don’t want to pursue that as a career. I always looked at Industrial Design as a backup, in case I fail to pursue Broadway. I think what really confirms that I would much rather pursue a theatre degree is that I want to be the very best in theatre. The best in the field. I want to be unique, and I want to stand out in Broadway. I don’t feel this way about Industrial Design.

I had this epiphany literally a few minutes ago, and I have this heavy feeling in my chest. Broadway is my passion, and I will continue to work my ass off for it. But, I’m just so scared. I need to make a game plan to help me focus on what I need to do. I just hope one day in the future, I can inspire people with the story of my insanely difficult journey to Broadway.